happy new year or whatever

"a cradle in a dream also represents a coffin."

"we are small animals on a minor planet circling an ordinary star lost in the outer fringes of one galaxy among millions."

i just cried so hard that i threw up

"to dream of bleeding eyes represents awareness of one's self having a weakened or weakening position in a waking life situation."

"the word geis means ‘bond’, a prohibition, taboo or injunction. the geis is tied with one’s fate or destiny. the violation of one’s geis will lead to some misfortunes, and in most cases, to one’s own death.”

i slept in my mom's bed because my dog's was empty. everyone is eating vitamins except for me.

after i went to the beach today i went to the rockaway stop & shop, which is exactly the same as giant only under a different name. i stayed in there for a long time because it smelled like the holidays and things come in family sizes and the floors are very shiny, and it was like wearing a sweater only grocery shopping. (i bought a half pound of salami and a quart of whole milk, ps.)

"the hero's fate after his sojourn varies from tale to tale. sometimes he stays among the sídhe forever, and sometimes he returns with knowledge and gifts for his people. sometimes the hero discovers his visit has lasted for years or even centuries though he thought no time had passed. he is warned that if he ever touches his home soil again, he will surely perish."

yesterday night i dreamed that i tripped over a very expensive chair and it broke and i cried. and then i woke up and i cried again.

last night i dreamed about elephants and old houses.

"by a certain age, we should change names and hide out somewhere, lost to the world, in no danger of seeing friends or enemies again, leading the peaceful life of an overworked malefactor."

it is possible for saturdays to be sad.

my sense of time feels very warped // is it morning // is it spring

i bought a plane ticket to iceland but i have only told six people. (i am looking forward to eating rye bread and swimming in pools with strangers.)

last night i dreamed i was in a flying tent and that i had a pet fox. (in the dream i also accidentally crushed a lizard at the bottom of my backpack, which i felt bad about.)

i got too sad to eat my dinner.

last night i dreamed about alcohol and buenos aires. (i thought of hiroshima twice today.)

summer hibernation day thirteen: i am listening to rachmaninoff and reading about the theory of relativity and drinking two different kinds of water. (i have spoken to one person today and that was to say "okay," when the guy who works behind the deli counter said "that will be five dollars and ninety cents.")

"el dolor popular"

this morning i woke up at 4:26am. now it is 7:04am and i feel like reading the sad part of 'peter pan' (about how he can't get back inside the window), but i don't have the book at my apartment. so i guess i will just try to remember it instead.

footnotes: the cat is meowing. i am supposed to interview a band this afternoon; it will be the fourth one this week. (i am getting tired of asking people questions about inconsequential things.)

"the moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”

today i interviewed rocky votolato over the phone and we bonded over the fact that both our dads were in motorcycle gangs. (it is rare to have this in common with someone.)

i dreamed about seashells again.

"although crossing the event horizon has enormous effect on the fate of the object crossing it, it appears to have no locally detectable features."

today i woke up and felt like i could do anything (i mean ANYTHING, like write a book, even...), but it is a wednesday morning, and i know that the energy will be gone by the time i can actually use it.

(maybe this is because i fell asleep listening to the japanese national anthem, which is very good as far as national anthems are concerned.)

(self-portrait and/or the dangerous year.)

“attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached.”

"the saturated sediment may appear quite solid until a sudden change in pressure or shock initiates liquefaction. this causes the sand to form a suspension and lose strength."

one time (almost four years ago) i went to galisteo, new mexico to visit some open studios, and a woman (one of the artists, i mean) came up and said to me, "are you a writer?" and i said "well, kind of. i mean, i like to write." and she said, "i have just had a vision of you writing, but in such a way that you are physically rearranging your words."

(i always thought that was cool but never fully understood what it meant until maybe the last seventy-two hours, and now i think she did indeed have a vision. this is simultaneously frightening and amazing to me.)

(birdman burns)

"for the cake crumbs were trapped inside, forever and ever."

"make one's way with difficulty."

today i walked through bed-stuy and it felt like the nineteen forties. (i think i miss LA. i think i need to get out of here.)

feel what you feel from a distance

my friend has an aunt who said that today is the only day of the year when jesus is not with us

i have been dreaming about big waves and good seashells.

"time forks perpetually toward innumerable futures. in one of them i am your enemy."

yesterday i was floating on my back in a swimming pool looking up at palm trees and a blue sky. today i am on my back (not floating) looking up at my ceiling // there is a crack by the door // it is cold, it is raining.

today a twenty dollar bill flew into my hands at fourteenth and seventh, but a homeless man saw it happen, and so i had to give it to him. (and now i am eating colcannon for dinner.)

"in finnish folklore, all places and things, and also human beings, have a haltija (a genie, guardian spirit) of their own. one such haltija is called etiäinen — an image, doppelgänger or just an impression that goes ahead of a person, doing things the person in question later does. for example, people waiting at home might hear the door close or even see a shadow or a silhouette, only to realize that no one has yet arrived. etiäinen can also refer to some kind of a feeling that something is going to happen. sometimes it could, for example, warn of a bad year coming."

"why should they have come here unless they had been forced to, such scholars say."

"she was born Feb. 14, 1915 in norfolk to alphonso and annie pauline lee. a long-time horsewoman, she showed and hunted actively before marrying the late charles joseph burns in 1947. she was a member of the washington bridle trails association and an active supporter of the washington international horse show, glenwood point-to-point races in middleburg, and the upperville horse show."

i think i am going to start doing tai chi.

précis de décomposition