you're a fucking bogan!

has anyone ever called you a bogan? they probably have, they just might've used a different word. bogan means white trash in australian, and they use it a shit ton on australia's next top model, my new favorite show. it totally kicks america's next top model's ass...they can say lots more stuff on tv, like one chick said 'fuck!' when she fell at the end of the runway. all of the girls are also crazy and are really mean to each other. and then cassi, who i'm currently trying to score a phone interview with for byt, is absolutely the best bogan ever. she's been smoking since she was ten years old (she's sixteen now), has a snaggletooth, and has a serious anger management problem. when she's not threatening to rip people's heads off, she's punching walls. seriously, you've got to watch it, i can't stop. here's a clip:

you can watch all the episodes (like i've done) on youtube by searching for australia's next top model cycle five. it's literally the best thing i've ever seen. i think a lot of it has to do with their funny accents. and the fact that my arch nemesis tyra banks isn't the host.

claudia's birthday!!!

by the way, i hope everyone is getting geared-up for claudia kishi's birthday on july 11th, aka saturday. i will surely be throwing her the biggest bday bash this side of stoneybrook, complete with paper-clip earrings and neon scrunchies. and junk food and misspellings, obvi. so excited! i'll have to do some serious math to figure out how old she'll be fo realz. you can expect your evites soon...

schemes

okay so just theoretically if i do decide to leave my life of free-loading off my mom, what exactly would my next career move be? well, i've thought about this pretty substantially and here's what i've got so far:

1) open up a transformers themed restaurant in which we principally serve optimus prime rib with bumblebeer. should be popular in the nerd community, and nerds sometimes have jobs that pay well. this could lead to a steady cash flow, and/or the opportunity to marry up.
2) finally produce prayerobics, the next craze in exercise. basically it will launch the strenuous sunday morning mass routine into a structured and effective fitness plan, including the sit-stand-kneel-somersault pattern typical of catholocism. the first volume will be called "sweatin' to the old testament". however, richard simmons will likely be an opponent of my program, meaning i will have to fight him to the death. and who knows how much power that afro holds.
3) invent something useful like a remote control pager. i'm told this has already been invented, but i don't own one yet so i don't believe it. if it existed i would totally buy thirty and page remotes all day. actually, that might be a better plan. buy the said existing remote control pagers, page everyone's lost remotes, hold them hostage, and charge money for their safe return.

i think these all represent a pretty solid start to my future.

rip michael...

red stripe is alright

so i had a meeting for work on tuesday night, and afterwards our photog dakota asked if anyone was going to the jamaican festival. when no one said anything, he added that there was free red stripe. he had me at the word 'free'. we headed over to 1515 14th street, right above p, to g fine art gallery. there was not a huge turnout, but there were lots of good things like free red stripe (took advantage of that to the fullest), good music, and lots of other free stuff like usb flash drives that were shaped like red stripe bottles. basically awesome. later, on the drive home @ a stop light, a cab driver told me i was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and then proceeded to give me his card. yes, his name was mohamed ali. president/ceo of ideas inc. i don't really know what that means. anyways, for a sample of what i was jamming out to, here's a track from hypem:
jamaican girls-terry lynn & johan hugo
it's worth it to check if this red stripe extravaganza is hitting up your city. i know they were headed to chicago tonight, and i know austin and nyc are in the works as well.

i'm alive i swear

i realize i haven't posted anything in a ridiculously long time, but i'm HOPING to be more consistent in the near future. this byt thing is quickly becoming my life! want to see what i've been up to? go to the website and check out some of my interviews and concert reviews. so far i've been to see jenny lewis/deer tick, and then i saw peaches on wednesday. amazing show. and then saturdays i spend @ the capitol skyline pool for our summer camp pool partiez. you should check them out if you haven't already. $10 for a day at the pool (a very nice pool at that). plus there's always day drinking if you're into that (everything's $5 and under, i highly recommend the sangria). and you can hang out with ME! anyways, in the spirit of my absence i'll leave you with a few jamz:
hot (treasure fingers rmx)-big gipp
triangle walks (allez allez rmx)-fever ray
gifted (treasure fingers rmx)-n.a.s.a
audacity of huge (naum gabo rmx)-simian mobile disco

sorrysorrysorry

i apologize for the lack of wednzilla jamz today...i had a post all ready to go, but i've been in a weird mood the past three days and didn't really feel like jamming out to electro beatz, even if you did. weekend jamz will most definitely be posted, though, and perhaps doubled.

semi-obsessed

i've had this song on repeat...i don't even know how to describe it. maybe a little kate havnevik-esque? a little bjork? perhaps you'd like a listen to figure it out (or not) for yourself:

cosmic love-florence and the machine

thoughts on willy wonka

pretty much i just realized that willy wonka's chocolate factory is kind of like rehab. everyone in there is an addict...agustus gloop is addicted to food, mike tv is addicted to tv (duh), violet is addicted to chewing gum (and talking obnoxiously, apparently), veruca is addicted to all things expensive and awesome (and being a bitch), and charlie...well, i guess he's addicted to being a goody two shoes (and poor). even the oompa-loompas are addicts...they're totally tanorexic. what does this teach us? i don't really know. but i feel like you can tell a lot about a person based on which willy wonka character best represents them. i would say i'm either a slugworth or an oompa-loompa, mostly because i'm a huge creep (i am always everywhere), and i like to break out into song and dance at inappropriate times. who represents you? i hope not agustus, because then you'd totes be a german fatty. death by chocolate fo' realz. anyways, if i run out of ideas for career ventures, i guess i'll just start up my own wonka rehab facility. winehouse gets dibs.

kidnap baby goats

so this band kidnap kids doesn't even need an introduction from me. here is their 'about us (slash me? i forget what they call it on myspace these days)' section:
Kidnap Kids is alie and celina! those two are basically just a coupla wise guys from the bronx. street smart and tough, they know their way around a guitar and xylophone, respectively. their lifelong dream is to play music to a crowd of people who are all ferociously making out. They also think it's cool to be smart.
the secret thing about kidnap kids is that they keep changing their name, but it's only because they have a secret crush on you. They have referred to themselves as the following: bears and chairs, beggars and chairs, de-luxembourg, mrs. vampire weekend, ratboy, and probably more. Do alie and celina like making up names as much as they like making up songs? is that boy in the corner wearing mascara or was he born with really long eyelashes? i can't remember if elephants have knees or not, do you remember? what do you want to be when you grow up?
all of these are viable questions, and i think you know what the answer is.
yes. yes i do know what the answer is to all of these questions. and the answer to any 'what should i listen to now' questions you may be struggling with currently is simple. kidnapkids! (and i don't mean that in like, the you-should-go-kidnap-some-children way. if that even occurred to you, you're probs a big weirdo and i think i don't want you reading my blog anymore. just kidding you can still read it.) okay and the cover of crank that (soulja boy DUH) is a.maz.ing, so listen to that shiz.

crank that
ghost
stories
lolita