chronicling a compulsive liar part six.

"for some time i was a drifter, and to sustain myself i worked as a parental impostor. i would typically hang around elementary, middle and high schools i came across, seeking out the children whose parents were called in as a measure of disciplinary action; they would pay me with whatever money they had (usually collected from weekly allowance funds, but sometimes from odd jobs like working lemonade stands or shoveling driveways in the wintertime) to pretend to be their mother.

i had a few pieces of soulless clothing that i used to look the part, and then together we would attend meetings with teachers and/or principals who were concerned with my clients' behaviour. my charming demeanour worked to our advantage; i had a one hundred percent success rate, measured by the fact that no one received detention sentences, grade reductions, or other common means of punishment from that point on. it was only when i found work at the fortune cookie factory that i ceased to perform these services. as a retired parental impostor, though, i can tell you that children are crafty fellows who are not to be crossed."

it is the twenty-first century and we need more patron saints. like the patron saint of peanut allergies and the patron saint of auto-correct. and probably some other ones too i just can't think of them right now.

a band called the john candy lasagna death.

the sky is sort of pinkish-grey right now. i guess i am supposed to be excited about fireworks, but americans didn't even really invent those anyway. so i am eating chinese dumplings instead.

it's unfortunate that i find people so disagreeable. but i do. whatever.