i just ordered thirty-four dollars and fifty-two cents' worth of books. i have not moved from my bed all day. (it is getting dark outside.)

ser humano // despair humano

(a repeat because it bears repeating.)

it is my dad's birthday and he fell asleep eating chocolate pudding at six-thirty pm.

my grandmother died seven years ago today and i have the air conditioning on in my apartment.

il est mort mais il est fort.

q: what do you want to be when you grow up?
a: a clay tennis court.

things that are scary: not being scared.

but i don't want you to.

my handwriting is changing. i don't know what that means.

yesterday i ate a sugared jelly donut under fluorescent lights at ten at night on fourteenth street. then i went walking and saw an oversize pumpkin on somebody's stoop. (i thought that was pretty funny.) when i turned the corner onto jane street it smelled like bacon for the whole block. (it was a nice time.)

i traded a fourth of july sparkler that i found in my room for a cigarette. (it felt like one of the most legitimate transactions i have ever made.)

i took the A train to the rockaways the other day. it was raining. while i was riding i saw a man sleeping who (from the side) looked just like my dad. (the post-2007 one.) and it made me feel sick to my stomach.

everything you're going to be, you already are. (jodorowsky.)

i am in nova scotia and it makes me feel like i am dead.

it was thunderstorming tonight. i ate some brussels sprouts to techno music. i walked home to beethoven in the rain.

top ten reasons to stay home:
1 - it will not be good.
2 - it will not be good.
3 - it will not be good.
4 - it will not be good.
5 - it will not be good.
6 - it will not be good.
7 - it will not be good.
8 - it will not be good.
9 - it will not be good.
10 - it will not be good.

today i fear: bedbugs and also the future. (unrelated: i was sweating at the kitchen table. spaghetti sauce was simmering on the stove and the lights flickered. unrelated.)

too personal.

"the idea that sharks will drown if they stop swimming is a common one, but it's not entirely true. there are two main ways sharks go about breathing. ancient shark species breathed through a method called buccal pumping, which some of today's sharks still use. muscles around the sharks' mouths actively pull water in, sending it over their gill membranes and out the gill slits. the sharks absorb oxygen from the water as it passes by. lots of sharks that have adapted to bottom feeding use this method. some sharks' muscles aren't strong enough to actively pump water, though. called obligate ram ventilators — or obligate ram breathers — these sharks are the ones rumored to have to swim constantly to stay alive. in the past few decades, however, researchers have seen obligate ram breathers taking the occasional pit stop. for example, scientists have documented some species basking in underwater caves or on sandy seafloors, sometimes solo and sometimes in groups."

i saw a man carrying his dead dog out to his car in recoleta this morning. he put the dog in the trunk and he looked at it. the dog did not move and neither did the man. (there was sorrow.)

beautiful things i saw today: an old woman carrying a bag of tomatoes. two men pushing a truck. a beagle wagging its tail.

hi it's 3:34 in the morning and i think i am not going to go to sleep. i am supposed to be writing up the weekend events but i don't feel like telling people what to do, so i am not doing that.

i go to argentina in a week.

i ate a cookie for dinner.

(i cried twice today.)

hi these are some things i saw today.

i don't feel like going to sleep, so i won't.

(hi this was my memorial day weekend.)

"dying stars spew gas and dust back into space, and this material gives birth to new generations of stars. but after enough generations, all the nuclear fuel in the universe is eventually exhausted, and the formation of luminous stars must come to an end. so even if the universe were infinitely old as well as infinitely large, it would not contain enough fuel to keep the stars shining forever and to fill up all of space with starlight. and so the night sky is dark."

todo lo que vas a ser, ya lo eres.

"ethylene is thought of as the aging hormone in plants. in addition to ripening fruits, it can cause plants to die. it can be produced when plants are injured, either mechanically or by disease. ethylene will penetrate most substances. it will permeate through produce cardboard shipping boxes, wood and even concrete walls. ethylene producing items should be stored separately from ethylene-sensitive ones."

there is sand in my pockets and in my mouth.

last night i dreamed i was feeding my dog cheerios while there was a tornado outside the window. (it was scary and wonderful all at once.)

just 'cause you feel it. doesn't mean it's there.

i don't even care.