all i even really care about is the royal wedding.

songs for drunk rainy times in chinatown

celebrating easter the irresponsible adult way.

easter is a pretty great holiday until you find out that the easter bunny (much like santa claus, the tooth fairy and any hope you had for becoming rich and famous) is not real. then it really just becomes a day for eating massive amounts of candy. which i'm totally in support of, but it doesn't really account for all the other awesome things you got robbed of when you became "too old" for easter. like easter egg hunts and taking photos with creepy easter rabbit impostors, for instance.

megan burns, pre-finding out the easter bunny was fake.

now, some of you responsibles (which, i don't know why you're reading my blog if that's the case) are probably saying, "yeahhh but it's like, easter is about jesus. it's not about jelly beans, megan." and to that i would say: remember when you found out the easter rabbit wasn't real? and it was like someone punched you right in the soul? well it's probably going to feel a million times worse when the same thing happens for jesus. so i will enjoy these jelly beans, because no one is going to pop out and say, 'just kidding! jelly beans are this fictitious thing we invented to make you be good all year and/or have a more fulfilling childhood and/or fund the dentist cavity conspiracy and/or something like that!' at least, i don't think that's going to happen. but back to celebrating easter. here are some things i suggest you do to make the most of the holiday that doesn't even give you days off from work:

1) have a zombie movie marathon. i don't even really like zombie movies because they make my body hurt and my brain cry, but if we're really going to buy into the whole jesus coming back from the dead bit, i'd say zombie movies are the only appropriate thing you could possibly watch on easter sunday. side-note: i've given a lot of thought to what i would do if zombies were actually real. do i think a zombie invasion will really ever happen? not really, but i'd like to be prepared in case it does. basically what i've come up with (so far) is that i'd row out to the middle of a freshwater lake with a fishing pole and just ride it out for a while. i haven't really seen a lot of movies where zombies can swim, so i think that would be the best thing to do. and then if it turns out they CAN swim, my next move would be to hang out in a hot air balloon, maybe do a little 'around the world in twenty-eight days later' thing. hopefully those two strategies would work, because i don't think i could handle being eaten by zombies.

2) make the most of easter candy, because it's only available for a short time every year and is the most delicious variety of all the holiday sweets. this means that you should avoid real food the entire day and only eat easter candy-based meals. for instance, go with some cadbury eggs benedict and a side of refried jelly beans. delicious.

3) explode peeps in the microwave. self-explanatory.

4) cadbury egg houses, cars and department stores. it'll seem like you're sending some really important message about the evils of capitalism, but really you'll just be having so much fun destroying stuff.

5) dye eggs while drinking beer. you can cleverly call this "kegs and easter eggs" so people will overlook your drinking problem and instead think you're really fun and creative.

there's probably like a million other fun things you could do on easter, like make peeps dioramas or give yourself rabbit teeth using chiclets, but the bottom line here is that you should steal back the holiday in as many ways as you can. mostly because i said so, that's why.

but i would like to live under spanish tiles.

a true realist would do nothing.

beatz and bleepz

so i decided i was tired of being poor all the time. and so i'm not poor anymore. it really is as simple as that when you finally decide to live by the motto: "i'll watch youtube videos when i'm dead." have i been working three or four jobs every day from 6:30am to 12:30am? possibly. but is it worth it? absolutely. what has been keeping my brain from going insane? lots and lots of disco. and the fact that although money doesn't buy happiness, it lets you move about the universe to do whatever the fuck you want whenever the fuck you want. and there are a lot of things i fucking want to do whenever i fucking want to do them. anyway, because today is a rare one where i only have to do two jobs, i figured i would take a moment to give you some track suggestions to kick off le weekend:

cocaine blues-escort
set fire to the rain (plastic plates rmx)-adele
panic-xuman
sake-jupiter
quicker (shook rmx)-i blame coco
without lies (breakbot rmx)-aeroplane ft. sky ferreira
stand back (stevie nicks cover)-sky ferreira (SO MUCH FERREIRA)

remind me. remind me. remind me.

oh yeah that happened to me too one time.

essay on lucky charms if i were a third grader

i like lucky charms. they are good. they have marshmallows in them. but you can't make s'mores with them though. lucky charms are from ireland. this leprechaun guy makes them but he doesn't even share them really. i wonder if he is friends with that rabbit who likes to eat trix. they don't have friendship bracelets though so i guess not. lucky charms have this thing called riboflavin in them. that is what makes them so lucky. my sister told me that but she spelled three words wrong on her spelling test so maybe it is something else that makes them lucky. i think everyone should eat lucky charms so they can be lucky and it will taste good too. THE END.

los reyes magos fucking existen, you hdp.

ghosts give you groceries sometimes.

read too much sartre. now i have the nausea.

cue the intergalactic beauty pageant music

ils sont dans des cages parce qu'ils sont pauvres

anthem du jour

self control-sunday girl (young empires rmx)

these days all of my words sound stale.

i will shake hands with america. that's all.

anthem du last weekend slash always

mostly i just hover above people and trains.

for them it means something different.

they have aged differently. they live in the midst of legacies, gifts, each piece of furniture holds a memory. clocks, medallions, portraits, shells, paperweights, screens, shawls. they have closets full of bottles, stuffs, old clothes, newspapers; they have kept everything. the past is a landlord's luxury.

things that are not real: reality.

i forgot about the sky.

and even if i had looked up, what good would it have done? the sky is so high and my eyes so clouded that i was happy just knowing where the ground was.

you say tomato. i also say tomato.

things i don't understand: math, church.

"the problem is that caribbean reality resembles the wildest imagination."

synthétiseurs and lucid dreaming and that

this is what a dream that is on the edge of turning into a nightmare sounds like. kind of like that time i realized i was dreaming and was afraid i'd never wake up. and those blue butterfly wings kept falling out of my hair.

getting drunk in my house for four dollars fifty.

this one time a ghost talked to me at night

and it said my name and i said shut up i'm sleeping. and it did shut up but then it knocked over the mop two days later. whatever.

my life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.

this place looks like a russian steakhouse.