everything more or less hurts my feelings

"since the mid-1990s, it’s estimated that at least 100,000 japanese men and women vanish annually. they are the architects of their own disappearances, banishing themselves over indignities large and small: divorce, debt, job loss, failing an exam."

it's alright // i already knew it

thanksgiving 2016 or whatever i guess

a ver a ver a ver o sea...

"they end up in places they shouldn't be, a long way from the ocean."

today i tried to make espresso on the stove two times but kept getting afraid i was doing it wrong and there would be an explosion, so i stopped. (my apartment smelled like coffee even though i hadn't had any, which was confusing.) when i investigated possible problems, i realized that i had tamped the grounds too much and the water couldn't get through. (i think you can also tamp your life too much // maybe i have tamped my life too much.) later on i was in an elevator with patti smith, but i didn't tell her about the espresso. instead, i asked her how her wednesday was going. she said she had allergies and also she had thought it was a tuesday, but admitted that i was probably right. (i was right.)

last night i dreamed about salmon and blackmail.

"reindeer tend to group together when in danger. it was unclear whether the herd had been killed by a single lightning bolt or several."

"an international team of scientists from the search for extraterrestrial intelligence (SETI) is investigating mysterious signal spikes emitting from a 6.3-billion-year-old star in the constellation hercules, 95 light years away from earth. the implications are extraordinary and point to the possibility of a civilization far more advanced than our own."

(paper towel + rubber band = DIY first aid kit)

"in order to be consciously tame or domesticated, one had to have lived in the wilderness. one could know what inside meant only if one had once been outside."

mer weinech s'huus abdecke.
mer weinech uferwecke.

from 5.18.2015, 2:53pm: "everything feels bad today. i watched game of thrones and all of the bad people are winning. it made me feel like all of the bad people were winning in real life, too. i just killed a spider and its guts are still on the wall. i bought two beers even though they were out of what i like."

from october 14, 2015: “i am sitting with my dad in a hospice center and he is asleep. (his mouth is open, and it reminds me of boris karloff in frankenstein.) we are listening to nick drake; this is the third time that 'river man' has played. a nature special is muted on TV (a lion just killed a wildebeest), and there is a family weeping in spanish across the hall.”

分かった

i don't know how.

one time my grandmother called me because she thought she had forgotten my birthday. (she hadn't, and afterwards i cried for a long time.)

"quantum physics casts reasonable doubt on the traditional determinism of classical, newtonian physics in so far as reality does not seem to be absolutely determined."

twenty.seven.in.the.rearview.mirror.