it appears i am not the only one...

this is more or less the story of my life. and when i say more or less, i mean exactly. but it's good to know i'm not the only one who is having a hard time taking childhood out back and shooting it old-yeller-style, slash whose inability to grow up is a surprisingly resilient trait that is not unlike the resilience of hollywood slasher film characters. although unlike friday the 13th part VIII: jason takes manhattan, my plight draws significantly less revenue at the box office. here is an excerpt from my mirror-image life regarding my failure to return calls/emails/text messages/smoke signals and the subsequent debilitating guilt that i retain:

"the longer i procrastinate on returning phone calls and emails, the more guilty i feel about it. the guilt i feel causes me to avoid the issue further, which only leads to more guilt and more procrastination. it gets to the point where i don't email someone for fear of reminding them that they emailed me and thus giving them a reason to be disappointed in me.

then the guilt from my ignored responsibilities grows so large that merely carrying it around with me feels like a huge responsibility. it takes up a sizable portion of my capacity, leaving me almost completely useless for anything other than consuming nachos and surfing the internet like an attention-deficient squirrel on pcp."

on the bright side, i am convinced that once i have my own apartment and enough money to purchase a minimalistic/futuristic furniture scheme from ikea i will suddenly transform into an adult who is swiss-army-knife-like in her wide array of skills and capabilities. you will know when this change has occurred because i will start wearing those glasses (you know the ones) that are indicative of intelligence and responsibility but which also defy the gravitational pull of lameness.