new years eve playlist s'il vous plait!

assuming you're french and a fan of my musical taste and in need of a new years eve playlist, you may have found this choice of a title appropriate. otherwise, please ignore. okay now that i've gotten that off my chest, let's get cracking on forming your tune selection for the evening. i am attending a house party in which my ears will be at the mercy of the host, but if you plan to do something more lonesome like spend the night by yourself on the roof of a building that overlooks an urban skyline (see also: this is what i would ideally be doing), this may be right up your alley. and so:

blue jeans-lana del rey
i still don't really know who lana del rey is or why i should care and/or shake my fist at her. i do know that i enjoy her music, though, even if the music video that everyone was so jazzed about for 'born to die' was one of the more terrible things i've ever seen. if i were celebrating new years eve in the desert huddled around a burning trashcan, i would most definitely choose this as the opening track. i would also probably do a lot of shifty sideways glancing at the other people standing around the trashcan. they would be wearing fingerless gloves and we would all look unhappy as a group. and we would probably throw 2011 in the fire and give it a lot more importance and attention than it really deserves. see also: i still went grocery shopping and sat down in 2011.

i go deep-jim rivers
this is what i would listen to while getting dressed and trying on three thousand different outfits and realizing that i have nothing to wear. and i'd also realize i didn't even really want to go to this party, or maybe i did though, i wouldn't be sure. so i would sit down and stand up and pace and repeat and i'd finally end up going to the party. it'd be a decent time.

in the dark places-pj harvey
this is what i would listen to if i were looking in the fridge for more beer but then got distracted by all the weird condiments in the side of the door.

mer du japon-air
this is what i would listen to if i got invited to a party where all the men were wearing black suits and had five o'clock shadows and bright white teeth (you would never see them smile with their teeth, but you still would know they were bright white). they would not be wearing ties. the lighting would be greenish, and you would be in a swanky apartment full of floor-to-ceiling windows. see also: i would never get invited to this party unless i was reincarnated as an earring worn by a female party guest. she'd be wearing a long dress, probably red.

with every heartbeat-robyn
this is what you would listen to if you were stuck in traffic in the ten minutes before midnight. it would still be possible to arrive on time, but that window of opportunity would very quickly be closing. you'd be bouncing your knee and and chewing your nails and gripping the door handle. you wouldn't tell us if you got to the party or not, but we would assume the best for you.

coastal brake-tycho
i would listen to this while confetti was falling and champagne bottles were popping in a mix of slow and fast motion.

goodbye-ulrich schnauss
i realize this may be overkill as i posted the youtube video just a few days ago, but this is definitely the kind of song that i would like to be listening to at the stroke of midnight in a crowded room of happy strangers. in this scenario i would also be invisible, and the music would drown out all celebratory sounds. as an aside, i also think this song would make a lovely movie trailer for an action-drama.

high school lover-air
more air! see also: air is a very good new years eve band. anyway, this is what you would listen to at around 4:47 in the morning. everyone would be passed out, and there would be empty plastic cups and bits of colored paper littered on the coffee table and the ground. you would be sitting in the middle of the couch. someone spilled a drink on the cushion to your right. you'd be hunched over with your head in your hands because you just realized you forgot something really important like your wallet or your kid in 2011. and now that it's 2012 you can't go back through the door to retrieve the thing you left behind. you probably try to pour yourself a glass of champagne to feel better about this horrible error, but all the bottles will be empty apart from a few droplets. so you sigh and return to your former head-in-hands position.

flowers bloom-high highs
maybe you listen to this closer to 6 in the morning, probably near the edge of some woods in the backyard. the sun is coming up but the sky is that terrible gray and yellow colour that makes your stomach feel cold. you realize that all your attempts at successful resolutions for 2012 are futile, but you feel okay about it.

ambitions-donkeyboy
this is playing as you leave the party in the morning. you high-five everyone in slow-motion. somebody's got marker on their face.

see also: does anyone think i'm a weirdo yet?

"unspiritual, unphilosophical, devoid of art, clannish to the point of brutality, aiming relentlessly at tangible successes, they stand between the hellenic culture and nothingness. an imagination directed purely to practical objects was something which is not found at all in athens. in a word, greek soul--roman intellect; and this antithesis is the differentia between culture and civilization. nor is it only to the classical that it applies. again and again there appears this type of strong-minded, completely non-metaphysical man, and in the hands of this type lies the intellectual and material destiny of each and every 'late' period. pure civilization, as a historical process, consists in a progressive exhaustion of forms that have become inorganic or dead." -spengler (1918)

2012: the year of the real mattress (?)

don't look back. never look back. i mean it.

bukowski on toenail clippers and shoes.

"you know, somebody ought to invent a decent toenail clipper. i´m sure it can be done. the ones they give us to work with are really awkward and disheartening. i read where a guy on skid row tried to hold up a liquor store with a pair of toenail clippers. it didn´t work there either. how did dostoevsky cut his toenails? van gogh? beethoven? did they? i don´t believe it.

...strangest thing, i think, after people die is looking at their shoes. that´s the saddest thing. it´s as if most of their personality remains in their shoes."

(september 30, 1991)

"mankind, however, has no aim, no idea, no plan, any more than the family of butterflies or orchids...these cultures, sublimated life-essences, grow with the same superb aimlessness as the flowers of the field." -oswald spengler (1918)

with every christmas card i (don't) write...

let me preface this by saying that i fully support the right to send an annual christmas card. what i don't support, however, is that small (and/or large) percentage of people who abuse this right. everyone knows who i'm talking about here. they're the people who use the christmas card as an opportunity to write short novels about why their lives have been so fantastic for the last twelve months, and they do it to 1) make you feel inferior, and/or 2) make themselves feel better about living in places like kansas. if you're unsure of who i'm referring to, you're probably that person. you can double-check by asking yourself how many times you write the word "blessed" in the body of the card; the minimum is usually at least three times.

ordinarily the christmas card from hell is a non-issue for me; i've been giving friends and relatives the address of the dunkin donuts down the block for as long as i've lived in my current apartment. however, i was visiting someone yesterday and not one but TWO of them arrived in the mail. naturally we had to read them in a variety of dramatic styles including but not limited to oprah's "please welcome (insert special guest name here)" voice. (i highly recommend doing this as it helps lessen the unpleasant side-effects that christmas cards from hell tend to induce, which can range from migraine headaches to violent bouts of nausea.) and since i'd forgotten the true agony that is reading a ten page document about endless triumphs and impossible feats, i was slightly taken aback. i realized that these christmenaces must be stopped. and i realized that the only way to do that would be to one-up them in my own christmas card. so i got writing, and here is what i've got so far:

"well, can you believe another blessed year has gone by? how fortunate i am to have been so blessed; i can only hope you have been as blessed as i these last twelve months. and i bet you are wondering what i have been up to all year, so i will tell you.

i've had my fair share of adventures since last holiday season (perhaps most notably a hang-gliding excursion off the coast of narnia), but despite all the jet-setting, i've settled in nicely to the new york city lifestyle.

i live in the very first apartment in brooklyn (and possibly the world) to be constructed entirely from cotton candy (a material that is famously bedbug resistant, and which provides excellent lumbar support), and on tuesdays i play badminton with woody allen on the ceiling of the guggenheim.

my main mode of transportation around the city is the garfield balloon from the macy's thanksgiving day parade, but sometimes anna wintour and i split a town car when ballooning conditions are exceptionally windy.

with regard to my dietary staples, i have a magical banana split dispenser in my cotton candy apartment, so i mostly eat those all day every day. coincidentally, i also have a rare condition where i can't get fat.

in terms of intellectual growth, as of yesterday i am fluent in seventy languages, the most recent addition being xhosa. i've also discovered the formula for gold, and i'm currently in the process of single-handedly resolving the euro crisis.

i was recently elected mayor of new york city but i politely declined the offer. instead, i sing opera at the met and get manicures three times daily. i could keep going on and on, but i'm running late for a private tour of outer space that was arranged for me by justin bieber.

again, hope your year has been most blessed. blessed be. ta!"

i encourage everyone to write these kinds of christmas cards as a form of nonviolent protest. no more yuletide braggarts, thanks. oh and also, for the record, i only wish that your sneezes are blessed.

how do you like and/or dislike my new blog header? see also: this was a rhetorical question. the photo is a close-up of the moss on a rock i sit on sometimes in central park. (coincidentally, the moss is named kate, and it has a similarly questionable reputation.) i took the picture with a kodak 35mm disposable camera on saturday at about 7:30 in the morning after a period of roughly sixty-five hours' consciousness. and now you know it.

there's (not) a bluebird in my heart.

people go to the circus. to magic shows.

must be able to work independently.

"everything is indeed permitted if god does not exist, and man is in consequence forlorn, for he cannot find anything to depend upon either within or outside himself. he discovers forthwith, that he is without excuse. for if indeed existence precedes essence, one will never be able to explain one’s action by reference to a given and specific human nature; in other words, there is no determinism – man is free, man is freedom. nor, on the other hand, if god does not exist, are we provided with any values or commands that could legitimise our behaviour. thus we have neither behind us, nor before us in a luminous realm of values, any means of justification or excuse. – we are left alone, without excuse. that is what i mean when i say that man is condemned to be free." -jean-paul sartre (1946)

a country that's somewhat not affecting us.

chronicling a compulsive liar part three.

"i was never particularly inclined towards mathematics. in the first place, i found something about the shapes of the numbers to be a bit off-putting in general, which, when they were positioned next to each other in even the simplest equation, caused me a variety of unpleasant physical side-effects, ranging from migraine headaches to fits of laboured breathing. i found the entire subject intolerable on the whole, and i was excused from further advancement starting as early as the third grade.

i'm told mathematical studies are highly applicable to a range of disciplines, right down to the most everyday tasks. it is, however, still beyond me why one would wish to calculate the square footage of a room, the final price of a pair of trousers on sale, or at what point train a will meet train b if they are both traveling at a velocity of x, y, and/or z.

despite my aversion to the field of mathematics, i wouldn't say the issue is an irreconcilable one. if mathematicians and other numerical enthusiasts would simply abandon the deplorable techniques of pythagoras and fibonacci, instead focusing on how to calculate more worthwhile figures, such as the degree of sarcasm hiding in a seemingly-friendly remark, or the projected amount of gray hairs i could expect by the time i turn forty-three, then i would gladly take up the subject with a renewed fervour.

as it stands, however, i find there to be no other option but to continue to abstain from mathematics in its entirety, even on a most basic level. so to answer your question, although it's a bit of an understatement, i suppose maths would qualify by default as my least favourite subject in grammar school."

religion is the opiate of the masses.

"what happened was a slow and gradual change, a shifting of values in the consciousness of men. what seemed to be all-important to a greek of the classical or hellenistic period, or to an educated roman of the time of the republic and of the early empire, was no longer regarded as vital by the majority of men who lived in the late roman empire and the early middle ages. they had their own notion of what was important, and most of what was essential in the classical period among the constituent parts of ancient civilization was discarded by them as futile and often detrimental." -m.i. rostovtzeff (1929-1930)

BUT ISN'T THERE AN IPHONE APP FOR THAT?

"fortunately for mankind, the more useful, or, at least, more necessary arts can be performed without superior talents or national subordination; without the powers of one or the union of many. each village, each family, each individual, must always possess both ability and inclination to perpetuate the use of fire and of metals; the propagation and service of domestic animals; the methods of hunting and fishing; the rudiments of navigation; the imperfect cultivation of corn or other nutritive grain; and the simple practice of the mechanical trades. private genius and public industry may be extirpated; but these hardy plants survive the tempest, and strike an everlasting root into the most unfavourable soil...since the first discovery of the arts, war, commerce, and religious zeal have diffused, among the savages of the old and new world, these inestimable gifts have been successfully propagated; they can never be lost." -edward gibbon (1781)

game over, future generations!

this thing that didn't really happen to me.

one time i woke up in an alternate reality where all the major religions lost to animism. ordinarily that wouldn't have been so bad, except for that i was fined for having too many picture frames in too small a space. at least i wasn't arrested like the guy next door, though. he got charged with toaster cruelty. twenty-five to life.

dud genies installment three.

I GRANT YOU THREE KNISHES.*

*not considered a dud genie by people who enjoy knishes.

dud genies installment two.

I GRANT YOU THREE DISHES.*

*i would choose three china saucers.

dud genies installment one.

I GRANT YOU THREE FISHES.

imaginary friends have imaginary ends.

thank God; he's an excellent scapegoat.

indigenous peoples installment two: the ainu

who: indigenes thought to be descendants of the jōmon-jin people.

where: japan and russia.
language(s): variations of ainu which, today, are spoken by fewer than one hundred people. the ainu languages have no written system, and they differ slightly from japanese in terms of syntax, vocabulary, morphology, etc.
culture: traditionally, the ainu did not shave after a certain age. both men and women had the same length of hair to the shoulders, and women tattooed their mouths and forearms. men primarily ate with chopsticks while women used wooden spoons.
dwellings: reed-thatched huts with central fireplaces and no partitions.
clothing: robes of varying lengths and other garments spun from the bark of elm trees. earrings were worn by both men and women, and in winter the people favored animal skins for warmth. for important ceremonies, men wore a wooden crown called a sapanpe, while women wore an embroidered headband called a matanpushi.
law: traditionally, capital punishment and jailing were not used to reprimand criminals. instead, violators of the law were beaten, or in the case of murder, were subject to having their noses and ears cut off and/or tendons in the feet severed.
diet: the ainu fished, hunted and gathered seasonal game and plants, which were then typically either cooked, smoked or dried for preservation and placed in storehouses. common proteins included bear, fox, salmon and deer.
religion: many are now practitioners of christianity, russian orthodoxism and buddhism, but animism is the traditional religion of the ainu people. animistic ceremonies frequently involved "sending back" the spirits of killed animals.

doomed to spend thanksgiving shaking hands.

"this type which at present is to be found everywhere, and everywhere imposes his own spiritual barbarism, is, in fact, the spoiled child of human history. the spoiled child is the heir who behaves exclusively as a mere heir. in this case the inheritance is civilisation- with its conveniences, its security; in a word, with all its advantages. as we have seen, it is only in circumstances of easy existence such as our civilisation has produced, that a type can arise, marked by such a collection of features, inspired by such a character. it is one of a number of deformities produced by luxury in human material. there might be a deceptive tendency to believe that a life born into a world of plenty should be better, more really a life than one which consists in a struggle against scarcity.

such is not the case, for reasons of the strictest and most fundamental nature, which this is not the place to enlarge upon. for the present, instead of those reasons, it is sufficient to recall the ever-recurrent fact which constitutes the tragedy of every hereditary aristocracy. the aristocrat inherits, that is to say, he finds attributed to his person, conditions of life which he has not created, and which, therefore, are not produced in organic union with his personal, individual existence. at birth he finds himself installed, suddenly and without knowing how, in the midst of his riches and his prerogatives. in his own self, he has nothing to do with them, because they do not come from him. they are the giant armour of some other person, some other human being, his ancestor. and he has to live as an heir, that is to say, he has to wear the trappings of another existence.

what does this bring us to? what life is the "aristocrat" by inheritance going to lead, his own or that of his first noble ancestor? neither one nor the other. he is condemned to represent the other man, consequently to be neither that other nor himself. inevitably his life loses all authenticity, and is transformed into pure representation or fiction of another life. the abundance of resources that he is obliged to make use of gives him no chance to live out his own personal destiny, his life is atrophied." -jose ortega y gasset (1930)

control the food; control the people.

I AM NOT AFRAID OF PLANETS, EITHER. either.

chronicling a compulsive liar part two.

"some people will tell you they were raised by wolves. i won't tell you that, but i will tell you i was raised by rednecks.

you see, i was left outside a grocery store on a mechanical pony. you know, the kind that costs a quarter and you never really think about where it's manufactured or why the saddle looks the way it does. that kind of mechanical pony. so anyway, i was left learning how to ride the thing sidesaddle since it'd been conveyed to me that this was the ladylike way to go about it; although at age five it was unlikely that unladylike behaviour would've merited public scrutiny, especially of the grocery store variety, i wasn't comfortable taking any chances.

well, time elapsed and nobody did come back for me. i kept practicing my technique, but after the quarter ran out it got a little difficult to double-imagine what riding an actual pony would be like. and then, just as i started to wonder if this was in fact a mechanical pony or a mechanical horse, a redneck family sauntered over and began describing the superiority that a nascar vehicle had over nearly all other forms of transportation, including my now stationary mechanism. they made some fairly good (albeit unsolicited) points, leaving me no choice but to adopt their views as my own. seeing as we were now united on such a defining issue, it became clear to me that it would be impossible to go back to my former life.

fortunately they extended me an invitation to come join their family; they'd recently acquired an extra lawn chair in a particularly lucrative dumpster diving excursion, but with no one to fill it up, the fixture lacked true purpose. apparently this rule did not apply to the corpses of cars that littered the front lawn, of which i counted at least nineteen before i remembered that was as far as i'd gotten in terms of numeric sequencing. to this day, i have only progressed to the number twenty-three.

my new redneck family did not, to my surprise, have red necks. they did, however, have an abundance of canned beverages, ranging from beer to mountain dew. (as an aside, the only spiritually heightened experience i've ever had followed the consumption of approximately twelve gallons of mountain dew in a span of seven minutes, and i would highly recommend it for enlightenment provided you're not a diabetic.) other dietary staples included a variety of game procured from both the lawn and the road, as well as barbecue potato chips and cheese curls that, over time, turned my fingers a permanent shade of orange.

my wardrobe was fairly extensive considering the lack of funds in my new redneck family. by some stroke of luck, goodwill was never short on t-shirts advertising places i'd never been and concert tours i'd never attended; as a result i became a master at spelling a variety of words and phrases including 'las vegas' and 'jesus saves', earning me consecutive awards and titles as the school spelling bee champion.

my redneck brethren and i had quite a bit of free time on our unwashed hands, during which we liked to shoot things and chew tobacco and not cut our hair. i gradually forgot about my real parents and instead filled the new vacancies in my memory with all sorts of vital information, including a plethora of swear words and how to draw a confederate flag. i never did get to test out my sidesaddle technique on a real horse, but i can assure you that i've mastered the art on an ATV, an experience i'm sure my real parents would have never afforded me. so yes, to answer your question, i guess i do believe in fate."

indigenous peoples installment one: the saami

who: nordic indigenes.
where: the northernmost parts of sweden, finland, norway and the kola peninsula of russia.
language(s): variations of saami including akkala and kemi, both of which are now extinct.
clothing: gákti, a dress-like garment worn by both men and women at different lengths. traditionally made from reindeer leather and sinews, but more recently featuring wool and cotton materials. details like colour and pattern can reveal where a person is from, marital status, family history, etc. gákti can be worn with belts, ponchos, hooded jumpers (sweaters), leggings and boots.
livelihood: fishing, fur trapping, reindeer and sheep herding.
art: duodji, handicrafts that combine artistic aesthetics with functionality.
religion: traditionally shamanism, but more recently lutheranism, eastern orthodoxism, etc. the old beliefs recognized the importance of connection to the land, animism and the supernatural.
diet: local ingredients including reindeer, moose, sheep, fish and berries. berries are especially important due to lack of vegetation in extreme climates, the cloudberry being a staple variety. smoking and drying meat and fish is a common practice for food preservation.

Japanese Ash - Black Box from Space Holiday Rocks on Vimeo.

and also.

this, probably. i mean yeah i guess so.

kinds of toes: pota. toma. mosqui.

things that i would like for christmas this year.

1. FUR
2. socks.
3. this mao zedong watch i saw at the chelsea flea but it cost like $50 and the guy selling it didn't speak english so i couldn't tell him how lovely he looked to make him sell it to me for $5 instead. also i didn't even have $5 at the time though.
4. that's all.

MAY THE DIVORCE BE WITH YOU.

a nutty place called montrealmond, pecanada.

time forks perpetually toward innumerable futures. in one of them i am your enemy.

JAPY JALOWIN [see also: bruja(ja)]

leaves are leaving, trees are left.

think dakota fanning has a dakota fanclub?

i don't. think so, that is.

you know what? dep is rip in spanish.

i bet they both end up sounding the same though.

no more shapes. down with shapes.

i think i have an ear infection or something.

S Y N D R O M E S // M O T H E R from The Golden Filter on Vimeo.

things i wish chuck norris named his children.

• stego
• tyranno
• bronto

bless me father for i have (wiscon)sinned.

totally fonduemed or whatever.

GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT

strange case of dr. freckle and mr. hide.

by robert louis steven(sun).

business venture #73: hammer and (pop)sickle

i think my calling in life may be to open a small business devoted to the creation and sale of communist-inspired frozen treats. the menu would read something like this:

-tito torpedo: popsicle w/ different flavoured layers to represent each of the former yugoslavia's historic regions. symbolic, no?

-eskimao pie: just like it sounds; a chinese-style eskimo pie. aka probably chocolate-covered green tea and/or red bean ice cream on a stick. maybe a chopstick, even.

-ho chi minht chipwich: mint chip ice cream between chocolate chip cookies. kind of like banh mi in ice cream form. only not at all.

-marxibon: just like a maxibon, only more communist. ps i don't actually know what that would imply.

-konstantin chernenkone: plombir ice cream shoved down inside a wafer cone, obviously.

-frozen leninade: frozen lemonade fit for the bolsheviks. probably with some red swirls for maximum commie colour representation.

-che parfait: roughly a zillion layers of argentine gelato interspersed with dulce de leche. might throw in some alfajor crumbles for good measure.

-nicolae ceausescoop: scoop of something romanian-inspired, like tuica-flavoured ice cream.

AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.

kinds of tables: coffee. vege. hux.

oh yeah this happened to me too one time.

anthem du ichinichi (jour in japanese)

lonely highway-zoo nee voo

also, everything is ridiculous, really.

i walked around chinatown for hours today.

anthem du (multiple) jour(s)

gentle roar (mylo rmx)- niki & the dove

my pillows are always looking up at the sky.

everyone everyone everyone ever.

anthem du jour (for now, anyway)

celestica (alcala's ambient reprise)-crystal castles

i'd create a summer playlist if i weren't in denial.

that it's summer, that is. or is it?

beatz and bleepz: the last dance edition.

okay so these don't really qualify as "last dance" songs in the traditional sense, but as it's the end of the weekend i figured i'd still attempt to give you some last minute jamz to finish out with a bang. or a fizzle, it's really up to you. anyways, if your ears suffer from the same rare condition called "disclectrica" that mine do, then you may find the following tunes helpful to wind down your sunday funday:

she's got two hearts (ghosts of venice rmx)-bit funk

intercity-rimer london

chase (mjolnir rmx)-barretso
nightcap-jeeks

the anthem-zedd

i don't mind-expomusic

flashback (dublin aunts' cosmic disco departure rmx)-calvin harris
eskimo boy (vanguard rmx)-strange talk

i wish i had a fur coat. but really though.

jesus and other diseases.

smoking and microwaves will kill you, you know.

but do you know what else will kill you? living. by default.

last night i woke up and there were like seventeen dark shadows shining lights in my room. i put on my reeboks and got a bagel slicing knife and crouched by the window and thought THEY'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT THEM. but then it was just the police looking for a criminal in my backyard. and they couldn't find him, so they went home.

so this is a real thing that exists or something.

JELLYFISH LAKE from Sarosh Jacob on Vimeo.

IL NE SAIS PAS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

beatz and bleepz: the plastic plates edition

this one's totally loaded with plastic plates remixes because they're pretty much the best thing to happen to my itunes in a while. ENJOI.

social studies (plastic plates rmx)-body language

muscle rollers-feed me

turn your back on love (plastic plates rmx)-i blame coco

stratosphere-digitalism

jona vark (plastic plates rmx)-gypsy and the cat

twist-peter & the magician

the day (lifelife rmx)-moby

swim-bear mountain

girl (plastic plates rmx)-empire of the sun

no reason-vega

heatwave-fabian

chronicling a compulsive liar part one.

"i'm really into efficiency. i once befriended a foreign exchange student solely based on the fact that he looked like a highly efficient walker. i wanted to learn his technique so i could spend less time in transit; being efficient in inconsequential, mundane tasks can in actuality help you to extend your lifespan. not so much in terms of numerical age, but more in terms of being able to accomplish more living over a shorter period of time. for example, i plan to have lived the life of an eighty year old by the time i turn fifty.

my obsession with efficiency is part of the reason why i have a real disdain for fashion; it makes it much more difficult to apply efficiency in the way of building social relationships. i once befriended a quite stylish person only to realize that the clothes were all a facade, and that there was nothing beneath the surface that was even remotely interesting. but by then it was too late, and i was stuck with, in essence, a mannequin following me around for years. it's a very unfortunate thing when people aren't up front with you about how uninteresting they are."

the english language makes no sense really.

for instance:

• joe. roe. toe. woe. doe. hoe. poe. shoe?!
• aid. laid. paid. raid. maid. said?!
• and. hand. land. stand. band. sand. wand?!
• ware. hare. dare. stare. fare. are?!
• town. gown. down. own?!

things i did that you can do too if you want.

listen to wind chimes on your headphones when you are walking around on a windy day. and then you will feel like you are a wind chime instead of a person. THE END.

this is a manhattan bound f train. or so i'm told.

everyone should sit on subway trains more often. you realize a lot of things when people are yawning or staring into space or stumbling because of the brakes.

c'est moi. je suis un oiseau et je vole.

science is king. and he ruins everything.

things that are important: trees. yeah, that's it.

how are you supposed to meet these people.

i mostly just ever feel this song all day.

youpi, c'est lundi. aka my kind of workout.

for a moment i wondered if i were not going to love humanity. but, after all, it was their sunday, not mine.

silent buildings, 28th & park, 12:36 AM.

happy friday the thirteenth or something.

snakes unhinge their jaws. i unhinge my brain.

an endless staring contest with the post office.

i don't know what kind of day this was like.

people will usually tell you that their lives were changed forever on days that were just like any other day, but what does "anyotherday" even mean in the first place? i tried to look it up in the dictionary once, but dictionaries only do you so much good before you realize words are just these things we invented. and the things we invent are usually made from pieces of plastic in places like china and bangladesh, and i was always told to buy american. so i don't really know what kind of day this was like.

future robot moses: let my people ufo.

ps this is what i like to do in america.

turtlenecks help you fly but only sometimes.

i feel awfully happy...in a sort of sad way.

the only thing i regret is technology. all of it.

chocolate milk was a good invention.

oh well oh well oh well. the devil makes us sin.

only by living absurdly is it possible to break out of this infinite absurdity.

attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached.

anthem du jour

things that ruin everything: fame, science.

people kind of make me want to vomit.

all i even really care about is the royal wedding.

songs for drunk rainy times in chinatown

celebrating easter the irresponsible adult way.

easter is a pretty great holiday until you find out that the easter bunny (much like santa claus, the tooth fairy and any hope you had for becoming rich and famous) is not real. then it really just becomes a day for eating massive amounts of candy. which i'm totally in support of, but it doesn't really account for all the other awesome things you got robbed of when you became "too old" for easter. like easter egg hunts and taking photos with creepy easter rabbit impostors, for instance.

megan burns, pre-finding out the easter bunny was fake.

now, some of you responsibles (which, i don't know why you're reading my blog if that's the case) are probably saying, "yeahhh but it's like, easter is about jesus. it's not about jelly beans, megan." and to that i would say: remember when you found out the easter rabbit wasn't real? and it was like someone punched you right in the soul? well it's probably going to feel a million times worse when the same thing happens for jesus. so i will enjoy these jelly beans, because no one is going to pop out and say, 'just kidding! jelly beans are this fictitious thing we invented to make you be good all year and/or have a more fulfilling childhood and/or fund the dentist cavity conspiracy and/or something like that!' at least, i don't think that's going to happen. but back to celebrating easter. here are some things i suggest you do to make the most of the holiday that doesn't even give you days off from work:

1) have a zombie movie marathon. i don't even really like zombie movies because they make my body hurt and my brain cry, but if we're really going to buy into the whole jesus coming back from the dead bit, i'd say zombie movies are the only appropriate thing you could possibly watch on easter sunday. side-note: i've given a lot of thought to what i would do if zombies were actually real. do i think a zombie invasion will really ever happen? not really, but i'd like to be prepared in case it does. basically what i've come up with (so far) is that i'd row out to the middle of a freshwater lake with a fishing pole and just ride it out for a while. i haven't really seen a lot of movies where zombies can swim, so i think that would be the best thing to do. and then if it turns out they CAN swim, my next move would be to hang out in a hot air balloon, maybe do a little 'around the world in twenty-eight days later' thing. hopefully those two strategies would work, because i don't think i could handle being eaten by zombies.

2) make the most of easter candy, because it's only available for a short time every year and is the most delicious variety of all the holiday sweets. this means that you should avoid real food the entire day and only eat easter candy-based meals. for instance, go with some cadbury eggs benedict and a side of refried jelly beans. delicious.

3) explode peeps in the microwave. self-explanatory.

4) cadbury egg houses, cars and department stores. it'll seem like you're sending some really important message about the evils of capitalism, but really you'll just be having so much fun destroying stuff.

5) dye eggs while drinking beer. you can cleverly call this "kegs and easter eggs" so people will overlook your drinking problem and instead think you're really fun and creative.

there's probably like a million other fun things you could do on easter, like make peeps dioramas or give yourself rabbit teeth using chiclets, but the bottom line here is that you should steal back the holiday in as many ways as you can. mostly because i said so, that's why.

but i would like to live under spanish tiles.

a true realist would do nothing.

beatz and bleepz

so i decided i was tired of being poor all the time. and so i'm not poor anymore. it really is as simple as that when you finally decide to live by the motto: "i'll watch youtube videos when i'm dead." have i been working three or four jobs every day from 6:30am to 12:30am? possibly. but is it worth it? absolutely. what has been keeping my brain from going insane? lots and lots of disco. and the fact that although money doesn't buy happiness, it lets you move about the universe to do whatever the fuck you want whenever the fuck you want. and there are a lot of things i fucking want to do whenever i fucking want to do them. anyway, because today is a rare one where i only have to do two jobs, i figured i would take a moment to give you some track suggestions to kick off le weekend:

cocaine blues-escort
set fire to the rain (plastic plates rmx)-adele
panic-xuman
sake-jupiter
quicker (shook rmx)-i blame coco
without lies (breakbot rmx)-aeroplane ft. sky ferreira
stand back (stevie nicks cover)-sky ferreira (SO MUCH FERREIRA)

remind me. remind me. remind me.

oh yeah that happened to me too one time.

essay on lucky charms if i were a third grader

i like lucky charms. they are good. they have marshmallows in them. but you can't make s'mores with them though. lucky charms are from ireland. this leprechaun guy makes them but he doesn't even share them really. i wonder if he is friends with that rabbit who likes to eat trix. they don't have friendship bracelets though so i guess not. lucky charms have this thing called riboflavin in them. that is what makes them so lucky. my sister told me that but she spelled three words wrong on her spelling test so maybe it is something else that makes them lucky. i think everyone should eat lucky charms so they can be lucky and it will taste good too. THE END.

los reyes magos fucking existen, you hdp.

ghosts give you groceries sometimes.

read too much sartre. now i have the nausea.

cue the intergalactic beauty pageant music

ils sont dans des cages parce qu'ils sont pauvres

anthem du jour

self control-sunday girl (young empires rmx)

these days all of my words sound stale.

i will shake hands with america. that's all.

anthem du last weekend slash always

mostly i just hover above people and trains.

for them it means something different.

they have aged differently. they live in the midst of legacies, gifts, each piece of furniture holds a memory. clocks, medallions, portraits, shells, paperweights, screens, shawls. they have closets full of bottles, stuffs, old clothes, newspapers; they have kept everything. the past is a landlord's luxury.

things that are not real: reality.

i forgot about the sky.

and even if i had looked up, what good would it have done? the sky is so high and my eyes so clouded that i was happy just knowing where the ground was.

you say tomato. i also say tomato.

things i don't understand: math, church.

"the problem is that caribbean reality resembles the wildest imagination."

synthétiseurs and lucid dreaming and that

this is what a dream that is on the edge of turning into a nightmare sounds like. kind of like that time i realized i was dreaming and was afraid i'd never wake up. and those blue butterfly wings kept falling out of my hair.

getting drunk in my house for four dollars fifty.

this one time a ghost talked to me at night

and it said my name and i said shut up i'm sleeping. and it did shut up but then it knocked over the mop two days later. whatever.

my life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.

this place looks like a russian steakhouse.

anthem du jour

crumbs crikey-hustlers of culture

beatz & bleepz

just a quickie this week, but at least it's something.

love dagger-rimer london
we run the nite-tonite only
spirit of the night-tesla boy
dance with the dead-dorian d
forever dreams-futurecop!
getaway-christoph andersson

anthem du jour

hr 8938 cephei-deadmau5

skins series five: the rest of them.

this series was incredibly terrible on multiple levels. the only area i'd say points were won was in terms cinematography, but generation two did that pretty well too on top of having much better developed characters. so, in short, i leave you with these super fails also known as episodes six, seven and eight:

summary of the tohoku earthquake so far

i just watched this summary of the first week following the tohoku earthquake in japan. it's the most detailed and informative account i've yet seen of japan's largest natural disaster, and if you have a bit of time i really recommend you to watch it.


Video streaming by Ustream

i think i'm like the cassette tape guy mostly.

anthem du jour

shooting stars (bag raiders cover)-hidden cat

anthem du jour

låt i h moll-bjorn olsson

anthem du jour

que veux-tu (madeon rmx)-yelle

marriage: the three-legged race that never ends

possession is just premature reincarnation.

skins series five episode five: nick

this season is devastatingly terrible. i feel no connection whatsoever to any of the characters. and why the fuck is franky everywhere all the time? i hope it turns out she's a ghost or some shit. that'd be a little interesting at least.

anthem du jour

fuck it, i just am going to devote this whole week to royksopp. since it's a friday, here's 'the alcoholic'.

anthem du jour

more royksopp. this one's called 'senior living'.

post-apocalyptic detroit: chavs and zombies

anthem du jour

should probably save this for beatz and bleepz but waiting is so 2010. here's 'interleave (xxxchange's 1993 mix) by win win & alexis taylor:

and it's dark. and this is how people die.

skins series five episode four: liv

didn't mind this episode so much, mostly because they were on drugs the whole time.

things i dream about installment three

last night i dreamed that i saw grace on the train. she was painting her toenails. i told her everything and she just listened and smiled.

anthem du jour

derniere-yann tiersen

real life can only occur when you're alone.

this thing i thought about cranberry juice

and i'm looking at the cranberry juice on the table. and it moves on the table. but it only moves on the table when i move on the table. or on the floor. i control it. i control the cranberry juice. i only control the cranberry juice.

i don't even really understand coffee tables.

beatz and bleepz: the d&b edition

i don't have to be anyplace today until 5:30 and the semi-downtime is weirding me out. i say "semi" because i'm still transcribing interviews and writing freelance articles, but at least i'm not running to get dressed and catch a train. speaking of trains, this week's beatz and bleepz is inspired by songs that keep my energy levels up on my subway commutes that probably add up to a total of around two hours a day when all is said and done. my go-to's are usually of the electronic variety in the first place, but more specifically i've been listening to a lot of drum & bass and dubstep. that being said, here are some chunes for you to peruse:

red mist vip-danny byrd
one (logistics vocal rmx)-sky ferreira
mr. majestik-calibre & high contrast
splash ft. coco-sub focus (kind of obsessed w/ sting's daughter)
deep-tc
rolex sweep (vandalism rmx)-skepta
pirate bay-netsky (i've blogged it before but it is SO GOOD)

EMO TIME:
brothers on a hotel bed (bachelors of science rmx)-death cab

ps, if this ain't your jam keep a lookout...if i'm feeling ambitious i might hit you up with a double dose of weekend beatz and bleepz tomorrow.

because the weather outside is quite nice...

...i will give you some reggae bits to listen to before it gets cold and dreary again. ps i've definitely blogged some of these before but they merit repeating. slash rudy's pretty predictable but it's a good one nonetheless.

uptown top ranking-althea and donna
fu manchu-desmond dekker & the aces
pressure drop-toots & the maytals
grooving out on life-dennis brown
hard road to travel-jimmy cliff
downpresser-peter tosh & the wailers
rudy, a message to you-dandy livingston

things i dream about installment two

last night i dreamed i saved this kid from drowning in the ocean. and then i said let's go eat some fuckin' ice cream. and so we did. it was red. THE END.

sometimes i think that shadows are bugs.

songs for feeling expensive when poor #1

modular mix-air

that dog looks like he is fixin' to die.

anthem du jour

flowers bloom-high highs

beatz and bleepz: the i'm poor edition

i'm pretty poor this weekend because i spent all my money on shirts and nutella. so the only logical thing to do in this situation would be to save money by drinking at home and dancing around to the following jamz:

with you-crystal fighters
shades of black (extrait, bummer)-breakbot
do for you-daniel j. santillan
back to stay-fred falke
pretty pleas-sanjo
the truth ('96 bulls rmx)-pnau
i don't listen-shazam
i look to you (tim fuch make out mix)-miami horror

things i dream about installment one

last night i dreamed i was riding on a train through the high desert. for a while i was flying above the train and taking pictures of the sky. i got wobbly whenever i did that but i kept on doing it anyway. everything was really quiet. the sky was blue and the mountains were orange and yellow and red. and i hope that's how it will be when i'm dead.

TTYN TTYN TTYN TTYN TTYN. TTYN. JK TTYL.

so pretty much there's a lot of internet slang that i don't understand and therefore am not a fan of. (actually, i guess i've never been a big supporter of acronyms in general. exception: roygbiv.) anyways, i decided to invent a self-proclaimed rorschach test of the internet slang variety. basically this was inspired by all the times i've seen tweets and tumblr posts and have not been able to figure out what the eff people are talking about, but then have been too lazy to look up. which usually leaves me no other choice but to guess what the letters might stand for. usually i am wrong. par exemple:

ftw: fuck the world.
gpoy: girl power of yore.
smh: shit! my head!
pma: pumas: maul, attack.

if you must use internet slang (hopefully in an ironic and hilarious way), here are some acronyms i support: nbd. omg. brb. wtf. (but you have to say all of them out loud like en bee dee and oh em gee and bee are bee and double you tee eff). THE END.

skins series five episode three. mini.

i'd have used the rock to smash the sun

there are five dead trees outside my window.

this thing that happened to me one time but not really though but i wish it did kind of.

did you ever see how rednecks say “nay-ow” for “now”. i did one time. and also “wawnt” for “want”. “ah wawnt eet nay-ow.” i saw like a whole redneck family today and i followed them around or maybe they followed me around too but i don’t think they did though. because sometimes i turn invisible when i go to stores but only on wednesdays and leap years. and one of the rednecks had glasses and i always think that’s funny when rednecks have glasses. none of their necks were really red though i don’t think. and then they said hey do you want to hang out with us and i said yeah sure okay and so we did and now i am in their redneck family and we sit in rocking chairs and say “nay-ow” all the time. and we are really good at bad words and living in terrible places because we don’t even think they’re so terrible because nothing is terrible when you have satellite tv and four-wheel drive. and we do have all of those things. THE END.

anthem du jour

another modular influenced track...hadn't heard this song in a bit but it came up on my shuffle on the train yesterday.

why won't you make up your mind?-tame impala

sometimes i feel so lethargic that i disintegrate.

skins series five episode two. metal mania.

this episode kind of sucked. i've come to realize that if you ain't got the stonem family then you ain't got skins. i really do enjoy the new glitched out theme tune, though, so if nothing else just watch that part.

anthem du jour

helena beat-foster the people

beatz and bleepz: the modular edition

well hello there and sorry for my (roughly) week-long hiatus. i've been very busy mary tyler moore-ing the shit out of new york city. for real though...i'm not even dead yet, AND i already have landed not one, not two, but THREE jobs. one of which is w/ modular as an intern, hence this week's beatz and bleepz is going to be partially influenced by the stack of cd's i got as a signing bonus. you'll notice these are pretty slowed down tracks, probably reflective of the week i wish i'd had...the last one is especially good for those late night situations where you want people to get the eff out yo house:

slowburn-photek
i know (com truise rmx)-franklin
night skys-thrillkill
so high-van she
ask yourself-julio bashmore
golden wings-bag raiders
shews untied-kill them with colour

bonus for the sake of everyone out there mtm'ing nyc:

these things just happen to you sometimes.

SKINS SERIES FIVE PREMIERE IS HERE

you're welcome...

skins series five premieres this thursday

perfume ingredients sound imaginary.

linalool, limonene, jojoba esters, cinnamyl. that last one sounds delicious.

anthem du jour

jesus fever-kurt vile

diabetes doesn't take a vacation, stacey.

anthem du jour

ON REPEAT BUT REALLY THOUGH.

we left-rufus

anthem du jour

cheer up-cotton jones

beatz and bleepz: the 'i know, right?!' edition

they're back after weeks of hibernation! that's because my american weekends have consisted of the following: family bonding, PBS and beer, and/or reunions with people who are allergic to electronic music. probably won't be much different this weekend, but i'm getting the eff out of here soon enough. so let's shake the dust off our dancing shoes and get started, shall we?

you can dance-gonzales
metropol-christoph andersson
the king is back-charles I
bridge-afrojack & bobby burns
konami girl-neo tokyo
sheila-mr. oizo and gaspard auge
back to basics-tightshirt
new output-sferro

cuando no conseguimos apagar la mente...

...empiezan los problemas.

anthem du jour

was revisiting my latin american favourites today and stumbled upon a nice little lasser drakar remix of 'fiesta permanente' by pau y amigos (i've blogged the original at least once before i think), asi que here you go:

life ruiners for 01/20/2011

things that are ruining my life today: grocery shopping with maureen.

things that are ruining the world's life today:



score for the day: megan burns-zero, world-zeroer, mafia-zeroest

yes i would like to be paid in wishes, please

this includes but is not limited to all wishes made with:

• wells, fountains and all coins thrown into them
  
• eyelashes
• white dandelions
• train tracks
• birthday candles
• shooting stars
  

anthem du jour

because apparently air is all i listen to these days, here's 'j'ai dormi sous l'eau':

life ruiners for 01/19/2011

things that are ruining my life today: nothing really...gas prices if i really had to dig, but the 1/2 price diet coke from sonic that i got this afternoon kind of cancels that out.

things that are ruining the world's life today: pretty much the same stuff as yesterday.



things that are ruining africa's life today: cote d'ivoire. and tunisia, but mostly cote d'voire.

current score: megan burns-one!, world-zero

anthem du jour part deux

pretty much the entire cut copy album has been my anthem du jour, with 'hanging onto every heartbeat' in double particular. ps, i probably would've liked somewhere a lot better if sofia coppola had decided to use 'zonoscope' as the soundtrack. but she didn't, so i still hate it.

all i really want is to learn the versailles glide.

life ruiners for 01/18/2011

things that are ruining my life today: communist alarm clocks. the dentist. the seven beers i drank yesterday.

things that are ruining the world's life today:



current score: megan burns-zero, world-zeroer, baby doc-zeroest

anthem du jour

because the dentist ripped my face off but for some (very miraculous) reason i was able to enter into a deep meditative state by repeating the chorus of steve winwood's "higher love" in my head over and over and over for three hours.

life ruiners for 01/17/2011

things that are ruining my life today: the impending doom of ice, sleet, snow (craftily referred to as a wintry mix), and the impending doom of my dentist appointment tomorrow.

things that are ruining the world's life today:



current score: megan burns-zero, world-zeroer

johnny deep: johnny depp's spanish alter-ego.

everything is terrible: installment 1

i watched this episode of crosstalk this morning; it talks about currency wars and whether or not the dollar is "a product of the past" as chinese president hu jintao has indicated. SEE FOR YOURSELF. i don't really know what to conclude except for the obvious: everything is terrible. in the meantime, let's all go to hong kong anyway.



FEEL BAD BONUS: because it wouldn't be fair to leave our european friends out from feeling bad about failing currencies! sucks to be you, germany...your back must be getting tired.



on the plus side, a large portion of the world being broke kind of takes the sting out of being broke on an individual level.

*ps if i commit to these 'everything is terrible' posts it will be the easiest thing ever. endless material to work with, especially if you watch international news instead of the american kind.

anthem(s) du jour

a mellowed out tribute to gerry rafferty w/ undersea poem's cover of 'baker street'

Undersea Poem - Baker Street by SixDegreesRecords

followed up by another zone out track, 'echo's answer' by broadcast

Broadcast – Echo's Answer by cecurran

prayerobics day one: pontius pilates.

winter is awesome. but really though.

via http://thisisindexed.com/

double dose of totoro. it was that kind of day.

anthem du jour

the 'my neighbour totoro' theme song

i could watch the intro to 'avec eric' all day

anthem du jour

sing sang sung-air (total opposite of the weather outside)

the art of rick rolling for modern times

how many of you have been rick rolled in your lifetime? i have been rick rolled on multiple occasions. it can be a frustrating experience if you don't enjoy rick astley's smash hit "never gonna give you up"; fortunately i enjoy the song, so being rr'd hasn't driven me to the edge of insanity yet. YET. but if you feel you're teetering on the verge of a mental breakdown due to incessant rick rolls, i'm here to tell you how to take back control.



personally i'm getting pretty bored with the standard youtube rick rolls; it's 2011, and we need to go bigger and better. so, here are some methods i've created to shake the dust off the art of rick rolling and kick it up a notch.

for my first modern take on the rick roll, i suggest you do some research to find your enemies' work email addresses. create your own false email address (gmail is a no-brainer, but feel free to get more creative) and develop a sophisticated alter-ego; this means you'll need a fancy name, perhaps a monocle, handlebar mustache, money-filled tophat and of course, a pitch. message your victims from the POV of this wealthy alter-ego and describe your problem that for some reason can only be solved by an entry-level recent college graduate. is it logical? no. but will your enemy fall for it? well let's see...they're poor, narcissistic and dying for a promotion...so basically the answer is: absolutely. keep the emails up until you're completely positive your target has taken the bait. hopefully you've gotten coworkers (ideally the boss) involved at this point, too. then, when it comes to discussing the details of the project or monetary compensation, point them in the direction of a helpful youtube video and then BAM! rick roll the shit out of them. rickvenge, if you will.

and who says rick rolling has to stay confined to a computer screen in the first place? my second updated method of the rick roll can be used in any variety of real life situations. i suggest you use it to your advantage when you're in a bad spot, like a rapidly tanking job interview. simply continue your dialogue calmly and once you've reached a mid-sentence point, leap out of your chair and belt out "never gonna give you up"; throw in some dance moves as you seamlessly head for the door. this method can similarly be applied to any number of social interactions gone horribly wrong, i.e. stand-up comedy routines, speeches, breakups, awkward silences, etc.

in a nutshell, the rick roll was invented to make a fool out of you, me and rick astley. but i think i've demonstrated that you can save your dignity (and mine and rick astley's) by taking matters into your own hands. new motto? 2011: the year of the rick roll. because we're never gonna give you up, rick astley. never.

anthem du jour part deux

come wander with me-jeff alexander (sung by bonnie beecher in an episode of the twilight zone)

anthem du jour

eclipse total del amor-lisette (because total eclipse of the heart defies language barriers)

two weeks in america and i already want to die

this is how i feel on my twenty-third birthday...

MERDE. MERDE. MERDE. amélie outtakes.

necessary reblog: vivian maier, photographer

i've seen this video floating around the internet for a few days and because of its apparent popularity i didn't want to blog about it. HOWEVER, i will make an exception to my usual anti-bandwagon rule because this woman's photographs are really amazing. slash she really does sound like a magical real-life mary poppins.

imaginary movie tag lines installment 1

deli meat strikes back II: your liverwurst nightmare is about to come true. again.

bizarre last supper requests: james reynolds

a series of photographs by james reynolds documenting strange last meal requests for prisoners. the last one is the best, in my opinion. more here.

relaxing voices installment 4: tom hanks.

i am almost 23. this is unfortunate.

and this gruesome sandwich-eating mutant

...named OPEN FACE.

anthem du jour

tommib-squarepusher (never gets old)

the pacific northwest: america's transylvania

anthem du jour

caregiver-memoryhouse (for the monday times)

NYE beer times gif courtesy of dakota fine

the only scene in somewhere that i liked

don't you hate that? uncomfortable silences.

peace be with you...? or something like that.

maureen tricked me into going to church with her last night in georgetown. it was pretty much the worst but i had to go because she said it was either that or no thai food and so i said okay. and so we walked up and we were late and maureen thinks she saw the exorcist or a ghost or maybe somebody's shadow that fell off like that one time in peter pan but i didn't see it so i don't even really know.

there was some kid sitting in front of me and he was that kind of kid that stares at you the whole time and it makes you want to punch everyone in the face but instead you stare at the ceiling and out the windows and maybe that's how god feels during mass too. if i were god i would feel like that.

and then there's the part where strangers try to hold your hand because they think it makes the prayers work better like when you put aluminum foil on a tv antenna or like a seance only probably not because god would be pissed if he thought you were doing a seance. i like to pretend like my hands got chopped off in an industrial accident instead. but then there's people who stand by themselves and hold their arms out like they're holding invisible hands and it's really annoying because they're like those kids in class who are like look at me i know the answer and i have braces too.

and then peace be with you time. that is the worst part. you have to tell people you don't even know "peace be with you" but you don't even really know for sure if you want peace to be with them because they could be a real asshole but suddenly because they're in church you have to tell them things you don't even really mean. and then you have to shake their hands too which i don't even understand why you do that except maybe it's like an award but then where is the certificate if that's true.

and you have to pray for all these people you don't know but someone wrote their names down in this book so you have to do it. but then you look around and no one is even paying attention anyways. and what is the difference between praying and wishing. maybe it's like an election where i didn't vote but that guy lost by one vote and now i'm supposed to feel pretty bad. THE END.

sometimes i get sad about skeletons