help me tom cruise. help me rhonda. just help.

i am experiencing an epic hangover this morning. it's debilitating. and i realized that being hungover is not unlike grieving. i can't eat, i can't sleep, i can't move...everything hurts. and the five stages of a hangover are eerily similar to the five stages of grief. let's examine:

five stages of grief:

• denial, disbelief, numbness
• anger, blaming others
• bargaining (for instance "If I am cured of this cancer, I will never smoke again.")
• depressed mood, sadness, and crying
• acceptance, coming to terms

five stages of hangover:

• denial (i feel fine, i'm totally fine), disbelief (wait, what? i can't be THAT hungover...), numbness (i can feel everything and nothing all at once...how is this possible?)
• anger (i hate being hungover! and i am so angry because of it!), blaming others (why did you make me drink all those drinks? why? why? why? this is all your fault. i wish you weren't my friend.)
• bargaining (if i am cured of this hangover, i will never ever ever drink ever again.)
• depressed mood (i hate my life, everything is terrible), sadness (what did it used to feel like before i felt so terrible? i can't even remember! ), crying (how am i supposed to rehydrate when what little h2o i've got is flowing out my eye sockets? how???)
• acceptance (okay. you're hungover. this is real.), coming to terms (chinese food, tv, couch/bed)
  

crazy, right? i know. it's like every time this happens, that crazy outraged mall man appears in my brain and just keeps screaming "why? why? why are you so hungover? tell us the reason! why? why are you putting us through this? who gave you the right?" all day long. i don't know why, crazy outraged mall man. i don't know why. and yet i am a repeat offender. ugh. today is going to suck and it is already sucking and i hate it.